Every once in a while this unbelievable sadness comes over my heart and breaks it all over again ... not because of the way things are but the way things could have been.

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10 Things About Me

December 11, 2005

 

10 FAVORITES
Favorite Color: black
Favorite Food: chocolates
Favorite Band: Orange and Lemons (local), Evanescense (foreign)
Favorite Song: cool (gwen stefani)
Favorite Movie: Cutting edge
Favorite Sport: badminton
Favorite Season: Xmas :)
Favorite Day Of the Week: Saturday
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: chocolate
Favorite Time of Day: night

9 CURRENTS
Current Mood: gloomy
Current Taste: sweet
Current Clothes: black lace blouse and low-rise pants with gold ballet flats
Current Toenail Color: nude
Current Time: 2:56am
Current Surroundings: cold, bright
Current Thoughts: confused
Current Crush: —
Current Scent: Gap Heaven

8 FIRSTS
First Best Friend: manice
First Kiss: hahaha
First Screen Name: darling
First Pet: —
First Piercing: ears
First Crush: jopher (my crush in kindergarden)
First Music: somewhere out there
First Love: carlito

7 LASTS
Last Cigarette: last tuesday (dec. 21)
Last Drink: Tuesday night
Last Bike Ride: —
Last Kiss: earlier today
Last Time you said I love you and meant it: —
Last Phone Call: IBM Daksh
Last CD played: Ambergris Xmas collection
6 HAVE YOU EVER
Have You Ever Dated One Of Your Best Guy/Girl friends?: yup
Have You Ever Broken promises: yup
Have You Ever gone Sky diving: no
Have You Ever gone Skinny Dipping: no
Have You Ever Been on TV: no
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn’t Know: no

5 THINGS
1 Thing You’re Wearing: stud earrings
1 Thing You’ve Done Today: buy gifts
1 Thing You Can Hear Right Now: abby fronda venting
1 person You Can’t Live Without: butch
1 Thing You Do When You’re Bored: sleep

4 PLACES YOU’VE BEEN TODAY
1. watsons Sm City
2. Watson’s megamall
3. snoozebox
4. mrt

3 PEOPLE WHOM YOU LOVE
1. butch
2. clarice
3. sofia

2 CHOICES
1. black or white: black
2. hot or cold: hot

1 THING YOU WANT TO DO:
have a long vacation with my family without anything to worry about

 

Posted by primadonna at 3:04 am | permalink | Add comment

i miss him

November 16, 2005
God I miss him.
I really don’t want to admit it until it dawned to me that in a flash he can get someone to take care of him.
I couldn’t help but text him last night and this afternoon…
And we saw each other at home tonight.
I wanted to bad to kiss him, hold his hand and give him a hug…
He was so near and yet so far.
Just like in the movie Only You, I ask,

"How can you love somebody so much but not know how?"

But I swore to myself that if I come back to him, that’ll be the day that I choose to be with him for the rest of my life…
It’ll be unfair to both of us if I come back just because I miss him. I wanna learn something from this experience. As I said, I wanna grow up, not just in age but in maturity as well. I wanna know how to focus. To prioritize. And have a lot of patience.
Joey sent me an email yesterday. About the 90/10 Principle. It states that 10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react.

That is what I wanna learn. How to react possitively in all that will happen to me. I do believe that life is full of choices. And I choose to be happy. No matter what, no matter with whom. One thing will always be constant in my life — MY GIRLS. After all this, I wish to be a good mother, with or without their father.

But the more I feel the distance between B* and I widen, I’m crushed.

God I miss him. I miss him so much.

If only we could stand each other.

Posted by primadonna at 9:52 am | permalink | Add comment

funny fate

July 19, 2005

 

i learned that my bestfriend is getting married….with my ex!
funny how fate works.
i’m happy for them. knowing G, he is very responsible and would love H and their baby very much.
i wasn’t really surprised or anything.
i was kindda expecting they’d end up together since they were very close since HS (which made me extremely jealous)
now that i’m thinking about it. i can’t help but laugh.
i remember the days (like 12 years ago..)when after my break-up with G, news will reach me that he plans to court H.
being the bitch i am, id call G and reconcile, knowing that he’d accept me open-arms, forgetting that he was ever interested in H.
damn i was sooooo bad. hihihihi!
but again, if they’re meant to be, they will end up together…just like what is happening now.
oh well, im happy for both of them. they’re both good people and deserve each other.
Posted by primadonna at 10:06 am | permalink | Add comment

the left-hand ring

July 15, 2005
 
i wore the ring today.
in a desperate attempt to connect with reality.
however, i opted to wear it not in my ring finger, but as a pendant to my necklace.
somehow, it made me think…
does not wearing a ring where i should wear it somehow signify that i am trying to avoid reality?
that instead of having people see that i am committed, i somehow try to divert it without having the guilt of not wearing the ring?
hmmm…..
maybe….
or maybe, im just guilty as sin.
guilty when i i am not even in an illicit relationship?
most of the times, i confuse myself.
i am not seeing anybody.
moreover, i am not sleeping with anybody.
so what is there to be guilty of?
does merely thinking actually mean cheating?
when does cheating become cheating?
Posted by primadonna at 1:53 am | permalink | Add comment

buzzz…

July 6, 2005
my past is calling me.
and the intentions are unclear…
he’s being too friendly, 
its giving me the creeps.
Posted by primadonna at 5:45 am | permalink | Add comment

Dream of Me

July 2, 2005

 

Let me sleep
For when I sleep
I dream that you are here
You’re mine
And all my fears are left behind
I float on air
The nightingale sings gentle lullabys
So let me close my eyes

And sleep
Per chance to dream
So I can see the face I long to touch
To kiss
But only dreams can bring me this
So let the moon
Shine softly on the boy I long to see
And maybe when he dreams
He’ll dream of me

I’ll hide beneath the clouds
And whisper to the evening stars
They tell me love is just a dream away
Dream away (echo 3x)
I’ll dream away

So let the moon
Shine softly on the boy I long to see
And maybe when he dreams
He’ll dream of me

Oooohhh
Dream of me

 

Posted by primadonna at 2:08 am | permalink | Add comment

the hardest thing

July 1, 2005
The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right next to them and knowing you can’t have them…
Posted by primadonna at 10:33 am | permalink | Add comment

far cry

I had gone so far out on a limb with my feelings .. that I didn’t realize I was standing out there alone… 

Posted by primadonna at 4:36 am | permalink | Add comment

wondrin’

January 16, 2005


I always wondered how it was to be somebody’s girl.
How it was to be taken cared of, to be protected.
But I just realized…what difference will it be from being the former girl I was.
I, who never got the chance to grow up, will again repeat history.
I don’t need to be protected from anybody.
I don’t need to be taken cared of like a baby.
Though I want to be treated like a princess, I want my independence to be respected.
My life stopped at 16.
I went into a relationship with Butch at 16.
And then, my life revolved around him. I breathe, drink and eat life for Butch.
And for 10 years, I know nothing but Butch.
He became my backbone, my strength, my life.
But now, I must grow up.
I’m 26 but feels like I’m starting to get out of puberty.
I must now make my OWN choices. My OWN decisions. My OWN destiny.
Though now, my decisions will not only affect my but 2 little girls as well..
I intend to be a good mother. And this is a good start.
I shall be strong for them.
I shall not fail them.
I will be there.
And together, we will grow up — strong and independent.

Posted by primadonna at 7:31 am | permalink | Add comment
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